I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
