is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Please don't give away my fajitas
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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