I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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