Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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