I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
