Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
