just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
