his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
