Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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