I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
