It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
