Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
