Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
