girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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