Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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