apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
