I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
