Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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