gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
