god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
