im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
