If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
