i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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