He is such a slut. More and more my type.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
