He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
