I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
