The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
