I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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