So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I met the friendliest cop last night
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
