I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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