is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
