im drinking this country out of the recession.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
