she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
