If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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