Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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