We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
