She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
