every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
foreskin is a definite game changer
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
