I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
