Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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