so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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