Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
