know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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