i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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