What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
