RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
even my farts smell like vagina
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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