remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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