I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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