FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
