He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
