he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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