Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
